Picking Up Girls And What I Did To Get A Girlfriend

I had just finished my sophomore year at Harvard College and I had turned 20 years old.  I declared my concentration (Harvard's way of saying "major") in physics and I was already planning on becoming a physicist with my first astrophysics research position lined up for the summer.  Most things in my life seemed to have been set.

Now, college is an interesting time for nerds.  I don't know if their hormones kick in later or they succumb to social pressure to be more sexually active (since even the other nerds are engaging in the activity) but something magical happens.  They've had the feelings before but now they seem to be strong enough to actually take the necessary steps to put their desires into action.

Like many other skills in life, attracting your desired mates is probably easier the earlier you pick it up.  You gain more confidence with a head start over your competition and can build on that momentum.  For many others, that can be discouraging and can benefit from training wheels to get them started and maybe even catch up to their "natural" peers.

After my spring semester, I did some research and downloaded a PDF of The Game by Neil Strauss (aka Style) and another of The Mystery Method by Erik Von Markovik (aka Mystery), Strauss' mentor and friend.  I was blown away by their stories and the techniques they used to seduce hundreds of women.  Probably the most counterintuitive thing mentioned was that being a nice guy will not work for a lot of the "AFCs" (Average Frustrated Chumps) first starting out because they will come off as being needy, desperate, and trying too hard to please.  Don't buy her a drink unless she buys you one first and use "neg hits" (or "negs) to bring her down so that she perceives you to be higher value than she is.  They even had a list of "canned openers" which were scripts that helped you "open" "sets."  In fact, they laid out every single step to get you from overcoming your "approach anxiety" (use the 3-Second Rule) to get you to talk to your "target" to finally getting her into bed with you (via "kino escalation").  There were a whole bunch of routines that included cold reading, magic, demonstrations of higher value (DHV), humor, and seductive word-play.  (If you are really interested in the two books mentioned above, just message me on Facebook.)

(These books led to an explosion of literature and advice in the pickup artist (PUA) community online and in bookstores.  There was even a show on VH1 dedicated to commercialize The Mystery Method.  It was very similar to weight loss reality shows except these were socially inept geeks who had trouble meeting women and their goal was to become socially competent and meet attractive women.)

There definitely are lots of advice that can help men gain confidence but I think some of it gets

misconstrued and ends up hurting people along the way.  For example, a lot of these men learn that unfortunately a man does not have to be nice to get laid.  In fact, there are many women who are very attracted to the "bad boys" and can get abused by them.  The "don't be nice" advice may work for some but if you are a nice guy and are genuine and sincere about it, then be that person.  I painfully learned that much later in life.

After all that rambling, I will explain what I actually did.  I started easily by fixing my physical appearance.  I asked a very attractive female friend of mine to go clothes shopping with me.  She was happy to help me and I probably spent over $500 dollars in one day at the Galleria Mall when we went.  Did I end up loving everything that I bought?  Not quite, but it was a major improvement from what I was wearing before.  I actually had some nice casual button up shirts, nice shoes, stylish jeans, and they all fit me pretty well.  The days of always wearing free T-shirts, baggy pants, and worn-out sneakers were over (to some extent).

Next, I found a good hair stylist.  Advice: Get a gay man to style your hair.  I realized that my glasses were pretty lame but I didn't want to buy expensive frames so I made a habit of wearing contact lenses more regularly.  I slouched a lot so I fixed my posture by standing up straighter by keeping my back more upright.  I also brought my shoulders back and my chest out.  That alone made me feel way more confident and I am still a strong believer in using your body to boost your confidence.  I also continued to workout but I focused more on cosmetics instead of strength (e.g. emphasis on sarcoplasmic muscular hypertrophy and lower body fat).

I practiced smiling and laughing more when I went out and met new people.  I came off as being more

approachable and socially intelligent by simply doing that and talking more.  I even felt happier.  I also incorporated being more touchy-feely instead of cold and physically distant.  I got into the habit of hugging more frequently and just being warmer in general.  This was also when I began to drink more alcohol in social settings but I would always keep the portions in control as I was advised to not get drunk while "in field."  To this day, I advocate sober pickups and hookups over drunken ones.  I think the connection is more authentic and meaningful that way, as nature intended.  Plus, you probably don't want to regret what you did while drunk.

Then on the first day of my junior fall semester, I met someone through a close mutual friend.  She was almost the complete opposite of me.  Specifically, all of the social cues that I had to learn and constantly remind myself as a twenty-year-old she knew naturally.  Initially, I was not too interested in her but I thought that I should practice some of the techniques I read up on her.  In retrospect, I got pretty lucky and she did a bit of work to make things happen between us like inviting me to watch a movie with her in her room where I first held her hand with no one around.  Even that was a big step for me.

One night, we agreed to go out for a walk (I think for a B. Goode burger).  Upon returning to the dorm, I invited her to sit next to me in the empty JCR (junior common room) where there was a grand piano.

 She played for a bit and then I played something for her (I can't remember what it was).  A very important lesson I learned that night is that the piano is a marvelous instrument for building attraction.  I never imagined as a child that getting women would be the payoff for all those lessons my mother signed me up for.  Then I recall that she told me something extremely personal about her life.  This was when I learned my next important lesson for the night.  When a woman opens up to you by telling you something very deep and personal which is often associated with a great amount of pain, she is exposing her vulnerability to you and trusting you; in short, it's a sign that she really likes you.  I don't remember exactly what I said but I was emotionally supportive and made her laugh a little and I took what I thought was a risk by kissing her.

What I didn't realize was that first kiss had me "pair-bonded" (to borrow from sociobiology) so strongly that I couldn't sleep that night and the next day I couldn't focus on anything else except her.  Escalating physically only left me more bonded towards her and I remember I was on an emotional roller coaster until the end of that year.  I acted like someone on highly addictive drugs.  When I was happy, I was euphoric; when I was unhappy, I was depressed.  After the relationship, I was "in withdrawal" and I had to go through a lot to distract myself and maintain my self-esteem.  Sometimes, "building character" is rather unpleasant.

Honestly, I don't think anyone could have given my younger self much advice.  Some of life's most important lessons are learned very painfully.  The truth is that almost everyone experiences this and many come out stronger and wiser than before.  Maybe some scarring takes place, but with time the pain can fade away.  My father told me that he used to be in a seven year relationship with his first fiancée but they broke up not long after the engagement; when I asked him if he still thought about it, he said that after five, ten, twenty years the heartaches and even a lot of the memories disappear.  Those feelings and hardships eventually pass and life goes on with more love and joy ahead so never lose hope.

Atheism And Its Misconceptions

PART I: Atheism Versus Antitheism

Atheism is "the non-belief of deities."  That is it.  People confuse it with antitheism which is "the active opposition to theism."  Most atheists are not trying to push some sort of anti-religious agenda to crusade against religious people; they simply do not care and think about religion in their day-to-day lives.  The media creates a distorted image of atheists as secular zealots whose bible is The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins.

The mere fact that we have the word "atheist" is a tad bizarre since we do not have labels for people who do not believe in other things.  If you do not believe in astrology, you do not think to call yourself a non-astrologer even though that is what you are.  Just as the non-astrologer does not wake up in the morning thinking "I'm so glad I'm a non-astrologer," atheists do not wake up in the morning thinking the same about atheism.  However, we have this word "atheism" because theism is so ubiquitous and important.

My guess is that most atheists can be easily converted to Christianity.  Most are not aware of the arguments for and against the existence of God.  I think this is why Christianity relatively successfully spread among many previously non-theistic Asian populations (e.g. Korean, Chinese).  I would not be surprised if Christianity is such a powerful meme that it becomes the dominant belief system for ages to come.  That is not to say that it cannot evolve because it certainly does mutate into different strains which can become new denominations.

However, the New Atheism immediately following 9/11 is different from regular atheism.  This brand is the antitheism that many religious Christians and Muslims associate with atheism.  This actually IS a meme since it is a positive belief.  It is a form of strong atheism where one believes that deities do not exist.  Most atheists are weak atheists who do not believe in the existence of deities; the difference is subtle but there.

PART II: Moral Atheists

Atheism itself has no morality.  It is a blank slate.  However, there have been plenty of atheistic moral philosophies (sometimes classified as religions) such as the non-theistic branches of Taoism, Buddhism, Confucianism, and even Judaism.  There are also morals built into every culture from the family, tribe, nation, and (perhaps) planet.

Atheists are perfectly capable of being moral and theists are perfectly capable of being immoral.  There are debates about whether atheists are more or less moral than theists but debates that directly address resolving real moral problems themselves may be more productive.  For example, we should debate nuclear proliferation, economics, public education, democracy, gun control, drug regulation, et cetera.

I believe that science and reason can be very powerful tools that can help us determine how to best solve the problems we face in the world today.  The Abrahamic religions can as well but they contain a lot of baggage (e.g. homophobia, xenophobia, misogyny among significant portions of their texts and members).  They lack the flexibility and clarity to provide conclusive, productive solutions to the issues brought about by accelerating technological progress.

That said, the power of almost all religions is the ability to discipline and control large masses of individuals and there are benefits to this incredible power.  This order was able to provide the means for civilizations to advance.  Human beings have many "flaws" from their evolutionary history; by nature, we are extremely violent, lascivious, and selfish.  If there is no way to scare and shame them, the world could be extremely chaotic and science may worsen the human condition until we destroy ourselves.  I do think that in this department, the New Atheists do not give enough to credit to religions.  They may not be perfect, but it has the necessary ingredients to preserve certain civilizations without killing too many people in order to replicate those memes.

At the same time, I do realize that religious extremists like the Taliban go too far and are an example of religious belief creating more harm than good.  If they get ahold of truly potent weaponry, the world may be in severe danger.  Measures should be made to weed out such destructive memes.

PART III: Closing Thoughts

Like it or not, Christianity, Islam, and other religions are important.  However, the New Atheism, secular humanism, and other non-religious movements are also important.  People should be free to believe, say, and do what they want as long as they do not impinge upon the freedoms of others.  I have my personal beliefs on these complicated matters but I do not necessarily think that the world would be better if theism completely disappeared and everyone had my secular worldview.

The People Who Care About You In The Real World: Your Family

Life in the real world is very sobering to the recent college graduate.  People do not randomly sit next to you while you're eating simply to potentially make another platonic friend.  You spend considerably more time on making money and keeping track of your personal finances to make sure you can afford to live without discomfort.  You lose touch with your friends from college unless you make somewhat of a dedicated effort.  People only socialize with you if you can be useful to them in some way.  If you are single, feeling lonely can also come quite easily.  (However, being single is much better than being in a destructive relationship.)

All of this paints a very bleak picture of life that seems distant from the rosier ones from our younger years when we simply spent time with others because we enjoyed their company.  Who are the people who actually care about us and love us for who we are?

For the overwhelming majority of us, those people are our parents, siblings, grandparents, and other family members.  Only after graduating from college did I truly form a far deeper appreciation for my family and how important family is.  When all else fails, your family can back you up and support you through hard times when no one else will.  That's not to say that you shouldn't be self-reliant but you know you have a strong safety net.  (I understand that some people do not have this, through no fault of their own.  In these cases, I see the value in belief in an all-loving god and establishing charitable organizations, religious or secular.)

My theory is that the people who love you the most are your parents and the people you love the most are (or will be) your children.  You should not lose sight of this but you should not be too distracted so that you ignore people who are not related to you.  Looking back, forming deep friendships was easier as a student and I did not do a fantastic job of maintaining those relationships with the best of my abilities.  I would advise college students to really appreciate the people in their lives and try to maintain those relationships after graduation as well.

Placing a high priority for your family life changes your attitude in dating as well.  If you want to get married and have children and that is ultimately what is important in the grand scheme of things, then you should probably approach relationships with some degree of seriousness.  I'm assuming you'd want an intelligent, kind, patient, and understanding partner.  If that's the case, should you really be at a bar or nightclub getting wasted to lower your standards for a quick lay?  Again, you'd have to decide that for yourself since you are the only one who can determine what you do.

Liberal, Conservative, or Neither?

Here are my current political beliefs as defined by this website.  I tried to pick a side for each issue but put question marks where I disagree with both sides or lack data to make a decently informed opinion on the issue.  People get too sucked into one ideology when they identify with one label.  I will probably never register myself as a Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Green, Socialist, or any other political party so that I can form my own beliefs for different topics.  In other words, I'll always be one of the least popular people in America.


Abortion: Liberal
Affirmative Action: ?
Death Penalty: ?
Economy: Conservative
Education: Conservative
Embryonic Stem Cell Research: Liberal
Energy: ?
Euthanasia & Physician Assisted Suicide: Liberal
Global Warming/Climate Change: Liberal
Gun Control: ?
Healthcare: ?
Homeland Security: ?
Immigration: Liberal
Private Property: Conservative
Religion & Government: Liberal
Same-sex Marriage: Liberal
Social Security: Conservative
Taxes: Conservative
United Nations: ?
War on Terror/Terrorism: Liberal
Welfare: ?

Liberal- 8
Conservative- 5
?- 8


(What results do you get?)

Although I am not a true libertarian, I do agree with some libertarian policies.  Like many Americans, I am skeptical of the efficacy of a bigger federal government and I believe that we should have a more laissez-faire economy.  Liberals often have good intentions for the policies they promote but effectiveness should be emphasized in determining social and economic policies.  I will admit that I admire many individuals who identify as liberal (e.g. Paul Krugman, Jon Stewart, Bill Clinton).

What is desperately missing among conservatives is a leader.  Personally, the only "conservative" I ever really had any very deep respect for was the Nobel laureate in economics, Milton Friedman.  Conservative groups also struggle with deep-seated racism, sexism, and religious fundamentalism amongst their members, particularly in the deep South and (for some reason) the Midwest.  I think that becoming a post-racial society (if possible) will be a giant stepping stone in the development of our country.

Also, I'd like to add that some of the issues that divide liberals and conservatives should not be issues.  We argue over evolution, global warming, embryonic stem cell research, gay marriage, immigration, and marijuana legalization.  If one adopts rational, scientific views, the answers to these issues are very obvious.  We can then move on to focus on real issues like nuclear proliferation, terrorism, taxation, welfare, education, energy, and healthcare.  My hope is that we can settle the more obvious issues soon to invest more thought into real political issues.

Who Is More Shallow: The Gold Digging Trophy Wife Or Her Husband?

Here is a video I posted on Facebook recently where a man first gets rejected by a woman, but she asks him out on a date after he shows her his Lamborghini.  Here is another one where a man asks a woman if she would like to get a ride in his mediocre car and gets rejected, and 15 minutes later a man asks the same woman if she would like to get a ride in his fancy car and gets accepted.  Vitaly is out of his mind but some of his videos are pretty funny.

We all look down on women who are only attracted to rich men and men who are only attracted to female models for
being shallow.  Shouldn't they consider other important factors such as kindness, intelligence, diligence, confidence, patience, and being a good partner?

Well, yes and no.  There are people who do not care about forming deep, long-term relationships.  If that is the case, then money and looks probably end up with more weight in determining who to hook up with next.  That is their choice.  Are those who disagree in a better position to determine what makes others happy in life?  More importantly, are they in a position to force the others to behave differently?  The answer to the first question is "I don't know" and the answer to the second is a definite "No."

But let's say that the gold digging trophy wife and her husband both want a stable marriage so that they can build a family together.  For the sake of argument, the wife was most attracted to her husband's wealth and the husband was most attracted to his wife's beautiful face and model-esque body.  Who is more shallow?

According to Merriam-Webster, "shallow" is defined as:
1. having little depth
2. having little extension inward or backward
3. a: penetrating only the easily or quickly perceived
    b: lacking in depth of knowledge, thought, or feeling

By definition, the husband is more shallow.  Beauty is only skin-deep and often deteriorates with time; wealth is substantial and often accumulates with time. Most Americans with a net worth over $1 million are self-made and did so with an incredible amount of discipline, sacrifice, and diligence.  I'm not saying that fashion models do not work hard, but they were blessed with great genetics which they didn't really merit and enable them to find work in their chosen industry.  However, for most of the females, their modeling careers are over after 30 years of age.  Most rich men tend to accumulate their wealth as they age.  So they entered into an agreement where what the wife values in her husband will increase while what the husband values in his wife will decrease.  Who is getting the better deal in this bargain?


Before you think that the husband doesn't have it all that bad because he can divorce her when she gets old and find a new young woman, think again.  First of all, divorce isn't painless, especially if you have children.  Second of all, she gets half of your assets and child custody and support.  When Johnny Carson's ex-wife divorced him, she received "half his shit" (as Eddie Murphy put it) which must have been close to $150 million.  (She probably knew he had around $300 million before she married him too.)  So it's not that simple and easy.

The interesting thing is that most wealthy, successful men do not marry gold diggers (e.g. Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, Steve Jobs, Koch brothers, Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, Mark Zuckerberg, Jerry Yang).  Most of them also never get divorced.  That doesn't mean their marriages are perfect, but they probably have a different attitude about relationships that might be valuable.

However, I will say that the one way that gold diggers can be at least just as shallow is if she gets fooled into thinking that just because he has a nice car, clothes, and pad that he must be wealthy.  He could very well be in severe debt and making poor financial decisions that will ruin him in the future.  If she divorces him, she will still be responsible for paying off HIS debt and taking care of the kids.

When it comes to relationships, you need to take responsibility for your actions and their consequences.  If you think his lavish expenditures signal that he is rich and successful, then you're taking the risks that may be associated with his behavior.  If you think she is the most beautiful woman you've ever met and you'll always be physically attracted to her, then by all means do what you want to do but keep in mind that it may not last and you might find out that it was cosmetic surgery all along when it's too late.

Five Things I Like About Mormons

Mormons get a bad rep from both liberals and conservatives.  This bothers me because we live in a country that was founded on religious freedom as one of its core principles.  What is also annoying is when an entire group of people receive negativity for what only a small handful of its members say or do.  These groups can be the Muslims, the Jews, the Amish, et cetera.  I'm not entirely sure why we often focus so much on the negative aspects of others.  Perhaps if we find something positive from people different from us, it would force us to rethink our values and realize that we're not perfect and other people might be better than us in other ways.

Anyways, this is a pretty random post but I thought it'd be somewhat amusing so here goes:

1. They have an incredible sense of family values.  Although I disagree with their views on gay marriage, I like the fact that they take their families very seriously.  The divorce rate among Latter-Day Saints is below 20% and well below the national average of 50%.  Given your knowledge of relationships, you decide for yourself whether you think that is overall a good thing or not.

2. Their abstaining from alcohol, caffeine, tobacco, and all recreation drugs is something I appreciate.  This behavior requires a certain amount of willpower too many people lack in this world.  Most people would probably be healthier if they followed this too.

3. Their overall discipline is very noteworthy.  I am not opposed to premarital sex, but I admit that the restraint required to follow through with must be very substantial (at least for most people).  I do see the potential value in saving yourself for marriage, but I am most impressed by their devotion to delaying immediate gratification for something they believe to be greater later on.  That's something we can all learn from, whether it is being healthier or financing your retirement.

4. They are well-educated.  32% of Mormons have at least some college education compared to 23% of the general US population.  Call me biased but I have very high respect for people value their education and continue learning more about the world.  Better educated people are also more productive.

5. They're just really nice people.  I don't know what it is about being raised Mormon but the Mormons I've met were all very polite and kind.  The Book of Mormon musical caricatured this by making the protagonists nice in a pure, naive way.

You don't have to like every aspect of anything you encounter in life.  Be careful not to completely evacuate the mine because you didn't find any gold.  There might be diamonds!

Letter to the Skinny Asian Guy at the Gym

Dear skinny Asian guy,

First of all, congratulations.  You want to change your body to become healthier and more attractive.  Working out will not always be easy but you'll reap the rewards eventually when you have a stronger body and mind.  You will notice that clothes look better on you and you will generally feel more energetic and powerful.  People will notice you more and you will get more respect from both women and men.  In the end, I guarantee that it'll be worth the investment.

Here is the bad news.  You either have no idea what you're doing or you think you do based on what you read online from bodybuilding articles.  You have to realize that following Arnold's Mr. Olympia training is not going to work for you.  His combination of genetics, experience, diet, and supplementation made his workouts work for him.  You have to realize that your situation is vastly different so your approach will have to focus on what works for most people starting out, not what worked for the Austrian Oak in the 1970s.

First of all, I bet your diet is your biggest limiting factor.  I've seen you for months at the gym and you haven't made much progress by lifting the same weights and having the same body.  You are 5' 10" and weigh 125 pounds, making you medically underweight.  I'm 5' 7" and I've been able to bulk up to 170 pounds with very unexceptional genetics.  I know a 5' 9" natural who has reached 215 pounds with less than 10% body fat (but he played football at FIU and has incredible genetics).  Your greatest challenge will be to significantly increase your caloric intake.  An old-school method is to make sure you drink a gallon of (whole) milk a day (GOMAD).  This will ensure that you meet the daily caloric requirement to grow.  Make sure to eat lots of protein (2 grams per pound of bodyweight) from poultry, beef, pork, fish, beans, and eggs.  Eat plenty of good carbs (e.g. brown rice, whole wheat bread, sweet potatoes, yams, oats) and fats (e.g. olive oil, canola oil, fish oil, avocado, walnuts, almonds).  Also, eat as many fruits and vegetables as you'd like.

If you cannot resist the urge to buy dietary supplements, go ahead and buy whey protein from your local GNC or Vitamin Shoppe (or online).  The best time to take it will be immediately after your workouts.  You can also take it before your workouts, after you wake up, and before you go to bed.  Creatine will also help you but this is secondary to whey protein.  I've never been a huge fan of casein but you can try drinking it before you go to bed.  I think ZMA is overhyped and overrated so most of you don't have to bother.  I think multi-vitamins are overrated as well.  Your body will be better off getting the vitamins and minerals it needs through food instead of a pill.  Make sure your diet is solid before you try to perfect anything else.

Now, let's talk about what you actually do at the gym.  Right now, your routine is pretty terrible.  Stop your cable crossovers, tricep extensions, preacher curls, leg extentions, dumbbell flyes, French presses, and whatever ab machine motions.  Those aren't what you should be focusing on.  In fact, ditch the machines altogether and just use barbells and your own bodyweight.  Here are the exercises you should be doing in order of importance:

1. Squat
2. Deadlift
3. Bench press
4. Shoulder press

These are the main lifts you MUST do.  If you focus your workouts on improving your numbers for just those four lifts, you will see much more progress than whatever you were doing before.  If you want a template to follow, try Mark Rippetoe's Starting Strength.  I like Jim Wendler's 5/3/1.

I don't care if you squat like a powerlifter or an Olympic weightlifter.  Box squats are great too as long as you hit the requisite depth.  Just make sure the top of your thighs hit at least parallel to the ground when you go down.  You can deadlift conventional or Sumo; it doesn't matter.  Just lift the damn weight off the floor.  You can use the double overhand, hook, or alternating grip.  If the trapbar will get you to do deadlifts, then use that instead of the barbell.

Make sure to hit the full range of motion for all the lifts.  For consistency, grip the barbell with your thumbs wrapped around, not too far out from shoulder width.  The thumbless (aka suicide) grip is okay for the squat but I wouldn't recommend it for any of the pressing movements.  Also, make sure your spotter on the bench press touches the bar only when you are clearly failing to lift it up after lowering it to your chest.

Obviously, my advice is all just to get you started.  You'll have to learn a lot more on your own.  I particularly enjoy material by Jim Wendler, Dave Tate, Ian King, Elliott Hulse, Louie Simmons, Christian Thibaudeau, Joe DeFranco, Charles Poliquin, Martin Rooney, Charles Staley, and Mark Rippetoe.  If you really can't resist bodybuilding literature, check out Gordon Lavelle, Mike Mentzer, Arthur Jones, Dante Trudel (aka Doggcrapp), Dorian Yates, and Mike O'Hearn.  Learn as much as you can to get the most out of your training.

A final note: make sure you are well-rested.  Try to get at the very least seven hours of sleep per night, but eight would be even better.  Your body needs to recover from all the hard training so allow your body to grow so you can become stronger and lift more for your next workouts.

That's it!  You can take my tips or ignore them.  Always be skeptical and find what works for you.  If you have any questions, feel free to leave a comment below and I'll respond as soon as I get the chance.

Yours truly,
Lester

Note: In addition to the main lifts, here are some others that you may want to incorporate (I've used almost all of them but my favorites are in underlined bold):

1. Front/hack/overhead/Zercher squat
2. Clean/snatch (full/power/hang)
3. Row (barbell/dumbbell/upright/bent-over/T-bar/underhand)
4. Chin-up/pull-up
5. Dip (bench/bars)
6. Curl (barbell/dumbbell/reverse/Hammer/wrist)
7. Stiff-legged/Romanian deadlift
8. Glute-ham raise
9. Back raise
10. Good morning
11. Incline bench press
12. Lunge
13. Step-up
14. Hanging leg-raise
15. Close-grip bench press
16. Shrug (barbell/dumbbell)
17. Farmer's walk
18. Barbell hip thrust/glute bridge
19. Landmine
20. Push press/jerk
21. Floor/bridge press
22. Reverse hyperextension
23. Barbell rollout/ab wheel
24. Sit-up
25. Push-up

As you can tell, I don't care for the machines, including the dreaded Smith machines.

Why A Man Cares About A Woman's Number

Every man who begins dating a woman will wonder what her number is.  He already has her phone number so that's obviously not the number he's trying to guess.  It's not her age, dress size, weight, or IQ.  Of course, it is the number of men she has had sex with.  Not how many boyfriends she has had, specifically how many men she has fucked.  (Note: Men usually don't even care how many women she has had sex with.)  Let's discuss why this is.

Feminists respond by saying that our patriarchal society has brainwashed men and women to think women who have slept with "too many" men are sluts and lesser beings, unworthy of serious dating.  This way, men can control female sexuality and can have yet another way to dominate the opposite sex.  I'll admit that social conditioning definitely could play a factor but I do not think that is the main reason most men are so concerned.  I think there is a much deeper male psychological issue but it's often too painful for men to talk about openly.  Since I have somewhat of a defective mental filter, I will try to speak on their behalf.

The reason is actually very simple: men are insecure.  This is true of every man in the world, even the ones who are rich, handsome, smart, and famous.  Men are just as insecure as women are but we are conditioned and wired to not show it as often.  Men know that women are attracted to confident, high-status alpha males so they try to minimize whatever signs of insecurity of which they are aware.  The problem is, our egos can be quite delicate and can be hurt by the external world.

Like women, men receive feedback from the world about who they are that form their images of themselves.  For example, you notice that whenever you sing, people often compliment your voice and musicality.  These compliments will enter into both your conscious and subconscious to shape your self-image.  You think to yourself, "I must be a good singer!  I must have some degree of musical talent."

The same thing is true for dating.  Just like women, men want to feel special.  There is a certain amount of intimacy in sex.  This is true even if you do it for pay.  Unlike other animals, we don't regularly expose our naked bodies to strangers in public.  Sex is also what keeps our species alive.  Biologically speaking, love evolved to potentially keep us together long enough so that we can raise our children well.  Thus, there is some link between sex and love in our species.  After all, we are all part of a series of vital sexual episodes that have been unbroken for billions of years.  Therefore, if a man finds out a woman has slept with more than a certain number of men (whatever that arbitrary number may be), he will question how much he really means to her.  This will also trigger other insecure thoughts such as "maybe I won't be able to satisfy her sexually because she has had better", "maybe she'll leave me for someone else since she doesn't value men", or "maybe I'm a man who can only get women who sleep around."

This discomfort is very real and very painful for many men.  In fact, this destructive thinking can very well ruin a potentially very happy and fulfilling relationship.  She can be great in every single way but just the fact that he thinks she slept with too many men can be a barrier to connect at a deeper level.

Look, women are sexual beings.  If they weren't, we wouldn't exist.  Even an introverted church-going woman will have intense sexual fantasies most men wouldn't even imagine; given certain circumstances in life, she may readily indulge in an outrageous sexual encounter in the heat of the moment.  We live in a (partially) free culture where individuals can pursue their own happiness as long as they don't harm others.  We even have a responsibility to reinforce this and affirm (and respect) everyone's liberties.

Men, if you really like a woman and sincerely care about her and she truly feels the same way about you, then you should overcome your negative thoughts brought about by your insecurities and try to forget about the men who are probably not even in her life anymore.  In the grand scheme of things, what is most important to you?  Odds are that you want to be with a woman with whom you can have a happy relationship and have a family.  Most women want that as well, even the ones who have slept around in the past.  Many women sleep with various men because they just want to feel appreciated by a man but those men end up leaving them.  Why can't you be that man who will love her and support her?

All of this is easier said than done.  But the truth is, with time, a man can get over it.  Plus, there will be plenty of other things to worry and fight about later which will pale in comparison to this issue (e.g. living together, managing finances, finding employment, getting her pregnant, trying to get along with in-laws who don't really like you).

There is one more major takeaway: knowing yourself.  Ultimately, all of this will bother you less if you know who you are and what you want.  Other people's opinions and actions won't phase you as much.  If someone calls you "stupid", that insult slides right off of you because you are confident in your own intelligence.  If someone calls you "ugly", you know that is one person's opinion and that person probably said it out of anger and not rational thought; you know that there are people who find you beautiful and their opinions would matter more anyway since they probably know you better than some irate stranger on the street.  And even if your partner has an extensive sexual history, you know you are awesome and are able to value him or her in a way others in the past have failed to do.

I hope this clarified some things for men and women.  If you are much older than I am, then you are probably familiar with all of the above.  If you are younger, then I hope this was somewhat helpful even though you are going to make the same mistakes your elders made and warned you about.  I guess you have to live life to really learn from it.

Everything is Your Fault: From Work to Love

Blaming other people for your misfortunes is often the easy thing to do.  Our country is filled with finger pointing, from the streets of New York City to the halls of Washington DC.  Let's take for example finding a job.  One can blame any of the following for his/her unemployment: the giant economic recession, outsourcing, illegal immigration, our education system, poor parenting, bad luck, affirmative action, and many more.

However, how will attributing one's unemployment to these factors help the individual except give some sort of short-term psychological relief to protect one's own ego?  The reality could very well be that at least one of those factors contributes to his/her joblessness.  But in order to be proactive, he/she must focus on the variables that are within the individual's control such as networking, improving interviewing skills, acquiring more employable skills, et cetera.  Only that proactive mindset will significantly help increase the odds of finding employment.

The same thing is true for relationships.  Let's say your dating life is not what you'd like it to be.  Perhaps you continuously end up in unsatisfactory relationships or you can't seem to get enough dates.  You can blame your ex-es, upbringing, physical unattractiveness, men, women, work, school, expenses, sexism, racism, feminism, divorce, pornography, social media and many other things.  But where will this sort of mindset get you?  Will this really help you attain the romantic life you desire?  For the overwhelming majority, there are countless factors that can be controlled (e.g. better grooming, building a strong social network, taking up interesting hobbies, better time management).  If you are in a bad relationship, you must realize that at least part of it is your responsibility and you must think about what you can do to improve your situation.  It will probably be extraordinarily difficult but the onus will be on you to do what you think you should do.  A big part of it will be knowing what you want and what you need to do.  If you want a serious long-term partner, take the steps you need to take in order to accomplish that; going to a college alumni gathering is probably more effective than going to a nightclub.

I'm not suggesting that you constantly criticize yourself such that your self-esteem breaks down.  Just keep in mind that there is almost always something you can do to improve your life.  You are in control of your life and no one else is.  Always make sure to keep it that way.

Race Relations and America as a Superpower

This idea grew out of a conversation I was having with my dad.  He mentioned something very interesting about the difference between China and America which made him feel quite secure that America is not in any immediate danger to lose its position as a global superpower.  The idea is simple: the Chinese don't really care if China does well, they care if the Chinese do well.

Being Chinese, Korean, Indian, Kenyan, or Italian has much more to do with your ethnic heritage, not necessarily where you were born and have a citizenship.  So if a Chinese person emigrates from China to another country to become successful, then that is still considered a win for the Chinese and, in a sense, for China as well.  Koreans generally think in this way too.  This is where America's strength comes in.

Take a look at our Olympic team.  No other country has the diversity of ethnic groups that we do.  In fact, I think that is why we are able to do relatively well compared to China, a country with more than four times our population and much stricter training regimens facilitated by human rights violations.  The other countries are only good at a handful of events: Jamaica for track, South Korea for archery, Canada for skating.  Also, take a look at our international math and science Olympiads where we have many Asians representing the US.  Also, our major cities are more ethnically and culturally diverse than any other countries'.

However, a couple of things we need to improve upon are our immigration and tariff policies.  In the long run, we will be better off if we were more accepting of foreigners and foreign goods.  Improving both would create more competition in the marketplace that can help drive down costs and improve total economic surplus.  We will be able to get the best goods and services for the best price, and will force domestic producers to become more efficient and productive and consumers will benefit from lower prices and higher quality.

We live in a very special place where you can be born in the country and automatically gain citizenship and the ability to become the leader of the free world.  We went through many difficult hurdles to lessen the racial tensions that have been around since the founding of our nation but they were all stepping stones for us to improve our moral and economic prosperity.  We need to continue improving America's race relations to keep us ahead of every other prospective superpower.  If we don't, then I'm betting on China to be the next global economic powerhouse for years to come.

How Race Affects Educational Attainment

Contrary to mainstream belief, statistics show that being black or Hispanic in America increases an individual's expected years of schooling as soon as you control for one variable.  Any guesses on what that variable may be: parents' income, parents' educational attainment, urban school district, family owning a home, gender?  The correlations between years of educational attainment and being black or Hispanic are still negative after adjusting for something that is seemingly as important as family household income.  The answer: achievement test score.

For students who performed equally well on an achievement test given to a sample of 3796 high school seniors, being black or Hispanic will add a little more than .3 years of schooling.  (For those of you who care, this result is statistically significant at the 1% level using a 2-sided t-test.)  If you ignore controlling this variable, being Hispanic subtracts .2 years and being black subtracts .5 years of schooling.  In addition, a regression on students who performed above the 96th percentile shows that race no longer becomes a (statistically) significant factor and expected years of schooling increases to 15.5 years.

Controlling for end-of-high-school academic achievement being the primary corrector the mainstream bias about race and education may not be a surprise for some, myself included.  The more interesting phenomenon is the positive correlation between race and schooling after controlling for achievement.  I don't have any good idea why this is the case.  Feel free to share any hypotheses you may have.

Note: I used STATA to run regressions on this data set supplied by Professor Cecilia Rouse of Princeton University.

6 Easy Ways to Get People to Like You Immediately

Here are some techniques that I've learned and implemented to become more social.  I understand that
"easy" is relative but these should not be too difficult (or at least the learning curve is not steep).

1. Smile- More specifically, use a Duchenne smile!  This probably the simplest one but some people just don't know or care about it's effectiveness.

2. Never say "no"- Eliminate the word "no" from your daily speech and see what happens.  This will help you to avoid putting others down.

3. Focus on the person to whom you are talking- Focus the initial dialogue on the other person and listen carefully to what he/she has to say.  People love talking about themselves and their interests and having someone who will listen to them.

4. Remember people's names- A person's name is the sweetest sound to that person's ears.  Make a conscious effort to remember people's names as soon as you meet them.

5. Make eye contact- I frequently struggle with this one but eye contact is crucial.  You will appear more confident, trustworthy, and even attractive.  Next time you talk to new people, find out their eye colors within the first few seconds.  You can just focus on one eye as you converse with them.

6. Match their energy levels- If a group of people are lively and you come in with very low energy, they're not going to accept you in a welcoming way.  That said, if you notice someone is in a mood to relax, you might want to think twice before interacting with him/her to get pumped up for the next UFC event.  Some recommend mirroring the other's body language but I believe this will naturally happen if you two are on the same level and communicating well.

These are probably the simplest ones most people can use instantly.  More advice is covered in Dale Carnegie's classic How to Win Friends and Influence People.  Some tips are a bit more difficult for many folks (e.g. apologizing immediately, not criticizing others, applying social psychological techniques to persuade people).  I hope this helped :)

Building Strength Without Bodybuilding

Almost a year ago, I adjusted my weightlifting routine to put much greater emphasis on strength training than on muscle building.  Since then, my bodyweight decreased about 25 lb but my strength and power improved noticeably.  I'll briefly share how my training routine changed.

During my senior year of college, I experimented with a bodybuilding method called High Intensity Training (HIT).  The former Mr. Olympia, Dorian Yates, would be the most famous example of a HIT disciple.  The basic idea is that only one grueling set is needed to sufficiently stimulate a muscle to grow.  This is counter to the traditional model of the Arnold-esque high volume, multiple sets per exercise format.  Thus, HIT is supposed to build muscle more efficiently by cutting the amount of time you spend at the gym by a significant amount.  I was normally in and out of the gym in 30 minutes.  (Not too surprisingly, this is the cornerstone for Timothy Ferriss' bodybuilding foundation in his book, The 4-Hour Body.)  A good article that explains the philosophy behind HIT is here.

I definitely did pack on the most mass in my life from that training.  However, I didn't feel that I was very strong for my size.  Also, I had a rather embarrassing bowling accident in August 2012 that forced me to stop working out for about a month because I tore a muscle in my lower back.  I figured that once I hit the gym again, I will focus on strength to bring my numbers back up.

I began with Rippetoe's Starting Strength format of focusing on squats, deadlifts, bench presses, shoulder presses, and rows (instead of power cleans).  I eventually put in power cleans and felt a night and day difference in my energy levels.  My body felt much more dynamic and the strength I developed from the other lifts felt more transferable with my increased ability to generate fairly high velocities with heavy weights (aka power).

I eventually plateaued, so I am currently using Jim Wendler's 5/3/1 periodization, adding power snatches and front squats.  Here is my schedule:

Monday

Power clean

Deadlift (Conventional with hook grip)

Press

Barbell curl

Wednesday

Power snatch

Front squat (Clean grip)

Barbell row

Dip

Friday

Squat (Olympic)

Bench

Chin up

I have italicized the main lifts where I follow the 5/3/1 template.  The assistance exercises are always done last and are done for five sets of 10+.  Wendler recommends running hill sprints but I can't find any good hills so I try to use incline treadmills for my conditioning days.  Stretches are to be done before and after every workout and make sure to use warm up sets.

A big takeaway is that hypertrophy does positively correlate with strength gains but you have to focus one of them to have proper training goals.  I may not be as big as I was last year but I feel more energetic and athletic than I have felt in a long time.  Female Olympic weightlifters in the lighter classes repeatedly prove that smaller people can be extraordinarily strong and powerful given the proper training, nutrition, supplementation, recovery, and motivation.