Everything is Your Fault: From Work to Love

Blaming other people for your misfortunes is often the easy thing to do.  Our country is filled with finger pointing, from the streets of New York City to the halls of Washington DC.  Let's take for example finding a job.  One can blame any of the following for his/her unemployment: the giant economic recession, outsourcing, illegal immigration, our education system, poor parenting, bad luck, affirmative action, and many more.

However, how will attributing one's unemployment to these factors help the individual except give some sort of short-term psychological relief to protect one's own ego?  The reality could very well be that at least one of those factors contributes to his/her joblessness.  But in order to be proactive, he/she must focus on the variables that are within the individual's control such as networking, improving interviewing skills, acquiring more employable skills, et cetera.  Only that proactive mindset will significantly help increase the odds of finding employment.

The same thing is true for relationships.  Let's say your dating life is not what you'd like it to be.  Perhaps you continuously end up in unsatisfactory relationships or you can't seem to get enough dates.  You can blame your ex-es, upbringing, physical unattractiveness, men, women, work, school, expenses, sexism, racism, feminism, divorce, pornography, social media and many other things.  But where will this sort of mindset get you?  Will this really help you attain the romantic life you desire?  For the overwhelming majority, there are countless factors that can be controlled (e.g. better grooming, building a strong social network, taking up interesting hobbies, better time management).  If you are in a bad relationship, you must realize that at least part of it is your responsibility and you must think about what you can do to improve your situation.  It will probably be extraordinarily difficult but the onus will be on you to do what you think you should do.  A big part of it will be knowing what you want and what you need to do.  If you want a serious long-term partner, take the steps you need to take in order to accomplish that; going to a college alumni gathering is probably more effective than going to a nightclub.

I'm not suggesting that you constantly criticize yourself such that your self-esteem breaks down.  Just keep in mind that there is almost always something you can do to improve your life.  You are in control of your life and no one else is.  Always make sure to keep it that way.